The Festival of Outsideness

This weekend, I went to a "winter festival". I won't tell you what winter festival because I just got a memo at work with the 13 things that I should NOT EVER talk about (let alone write about . . . writing is forever, talking . . . it melts into the air and conjecture) and the winter "blank" festival seems to fit items 1, 4, 9 and 11.

So the winter "blank" festival was in Grand Rapids, which is a trek for me . . . three hours by car. Actually three hours to my sister's house to sleep and then another hour to the winter "blank" festival. It was at Comstock Park (?) the little baseball stadium in Grand Rapids. Now I heard stadium and winter and in my brain I thought, "Cool! They found a place big enough to have it inside." Wrong. So very, very wrong. Silly Emily.

The winter "may or may not be an alcoholic beverage" festival was in the PARKING LOT of the stadium. Let's just say, I would have dressed differently. Very differently. And the person that I dragged across the state? Yeah. He would have dressed differently too.

So first there is the line around the stadium. I don't know what it is . . . but there is always an ENORMOUS line at the festival. In the summer it wraps around the block, in the winter it wraps around the stadium. And the people behind us? Had already "festivalled" if you know what I mean. So the very loud, kinda slurry conversation was interesting.

Inside . . . well not "inside" . . . once we were inside the gates, it was cold. And the liquid we were drinking was cold. And the ground was wet, which made my feet cold. Thank God Dave didn't need his hat! So the lines to get stuff were cold and the lines to the bathroom more cold. And when you have to go to the bathroom and you are waiting in 20 degree weather for 30 minutes to go in a porta potty? Bleak. Oh, and there was a bonfire. And when I was assured that there was a bonfire, I was picturing "burning man" huge pile of flame as big as a house. Nope. We have had fires in my parents backyard that were bigger.

So next year, not so much about the winter festival . . . or am wearing a snowmobile suit. I'm not sure which. They really should advertise the "outside" part better. Maybe make it part of the name. The Winter _______ Festival of Outsideness? The Very Outside Winter __________ Festival? I don't know. But I should have been warned.