YAY! A Parade . . . oh . . . unyay . . .

So this weekend's great idea, care of a Spider Monkey friend, was to attend the Royal Oak Holiday Parade. Sounded great! Good friends. Coffee. Marching Bands.

Except that I got up late. And the thinking was to walk so we wouldn't have to find a parking spot, but I was late so I took that chance. And there were people EVERYWHERE. Everywhere, with strollers and SUVs and . . . husbands. And the parade route was not on Main street, where I assumed parades would be, so there was a long detour through the rioting SUVs desperately looking for a parking spot amid the "permit only" land west of town. But I made it to the "secret" parking structure, which was evidently not as secret as I thought it was . . . which instead of SUVs, contained old people. Very slow walking in the middle of the roadway old people. And I didn't have to park on the top of the structure. But I could see it.

I found my friends on Main. Which again, was NOT where the parade was. And we ended up at the end of the parade route, standing next to a tree and a nice short woman with two children. Her tall, not see through husband arrived as the parade started. And the metal grid around the tree was amazingly conductive when it came to cold.

Now I expected a small town parade. Some cute girl scouts dressed up as presents. A cheer team. One or two marching bands. Maybe some boy scouts with the American Flag and a fire truck. And all of those things were between big gaps and banners listing every business in Royal Oak. Plus two "rock" bands. And some floats that someone must have bought from the Float company's garage sale. Royal Oak is not a big enough city for floats. Three marching bands from other cities. The Homecoming King and Queen? It was two hours before Santa . . . and that turned out to be not even the real end Santa. And it got cold and colder and the metal conducted cold through my sneakers. And I couldn't leave because we were with another couple, who decided that they needed to be smoopy . . . all huggy and kissing. And the non-see through husband kept moving for the block and talking loudly. It was the longest parade I have ever attended. And I marched in the Orange Bowl parade for . . . like . . . seven miles or something.

And once it was done, we had to do the "what do you guys want to do? I dunno. What do you guys want to do?" Until finally, I said, I WANNA EAT! And the Spider Monkey said something about Lockharts, which is not my favorite place to eat but it is a restaurant which has a magical thing called beer, so I went for it. And the couple with us, said "Sure!" and then didn't eat or drink magical things. And that was awkward. And I felt like I should have said "I WANT COFFEE" instead.

But the strollers and SUVs and husbands . . . and old people were all gone by the time we were done with lunch. And the couple invited us to . . . another parade.