Friday, January 29, 2010

Do You Feel That You Could Forget Your Cats and Be Impartial?

Today I had jury duty.

Local jury duty . . . which means I did not have to drive far, however, my small suburban town doesn't often have trials, let alone trials with juries. It seems, from overhearing other juror candidates that my town hasn't had a jury trial in four years. That seemed to explain the crowded seating arrangement.

There were strong coffee and donuts. The governmental instructional video from 1982. I think there were supposed to be twenty of us, but two people didn't show. I wonder what happens to them? They only needed six people plus an alternate and that took all morning. The defense excluded the two jurors that I would have excluded also. One really thought that she was also a lawyer. One just really didn't want to be there. She made it clear that she wanted to be home with her kids and that drunk drivers were all evil because she didn't want to pay for child care.

There were two exclusions because the men openly admitted they were criminals. One had a sport coat on and seemed pretty normal, almost cute, until I noticed his exceedingly long nails. Ummm. Super creepy! He was called and announed that he knew the prosecutor VERY well by being prosecuted by him. Hmmm. And yet he walks the streets. My streets. The other man was younger. Very attractive, in Abercromie and Fitch gear. "I've been in the defendant's shoes!" he practically yelled.

But that's not the weird part. I was amazed at the amount of the seven that really, really wanted to be there. They were all women, all over thirty, most over forty. And they were perky about it . . . YES! We will be impartial! Sure we will take in all the facts! Well . . . no . . . none of us has ever had a drink. Because we are shut ins that only talk to our cats. And cats don't do well with wine glasses! But YES, we could see how a breathalyzer could be wrong . . . maybe. And we all had alcoholic husbands/ex-husbands/fathers but that's just an emotional issue, we'll be fine. Sniff. I'm sure the defendant isn't like our fathers or is just enough . . . but YES! YES! YES! we are tremendously excited about our civil duty! And he is innocent right now. Yes he is. Because the prosecutor hasn't presented his case.

I sat in the back, hoping not to be called. With my whole being. Because even though the trial was only supposed to be a day and a half, I did not want to sit in a room with those six other people. I did not want to be talked at by the wholesome prosecutor or the slimy defense attorney. Who kept telling the jury that they would have to be "super human" not to be biased. (Oh, I so want to prove that I am super human! I really do!)So I decided that I was biased. Very, very biased. Do policemen lie? Well, yes, I suppose they could . . . but they say they are still looking for my passport and I would like to believe them. Can you be something other than drunk and just look drunk. Sure. But if you are acting like you are drunk . . . well, you probably shouldn't be driving either. Plus, those four students from my school were killed last year.

Finally, the perky prosecutor was happy with his jury and the defense attorney had no contest, so I was sent away from the cold little room that they also have city council meetings in . . . trial in the city's multi-purpose rec room. I hope they have a nice trial. I'm very glad I'm not a part of it.

And the experience has made me never want to be a part of it. So no more having that second beer and waiting a while. Because I'm uncomfortable with cat ladies deciding my fate.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

What font did I use?

I'm back MFers.

I'm sorry I've been gone for so long. But it was good to take a break. Not write. Not think. Not snark.

But I've missed it.

So today, a colleague of mine was complaining about the MFP. I thought he was making a new name for the new printers. A dirty nasty name. But it turns out that they are actually named "Multi-Function Printers". Much cleaner than what I was thinking.

Work sucks. I'm teacher of the year. Work still sucks. I'm thinking of starting a blog next year on the first day of school and calling it "184 days" and then getting it published, so I can go on a speaking tour and not have to go to work anymore. Or different work.

I'm buying a furnace instead of going anywhere this summer. And perhaps getting a summer job, if the state legislature has it way.

Oh, and I have jury duty on Friday. Which could possibly suck more than work. Plus, I still have to do lesson plans, so it's like working without going to work. Yucky.

So okay, I'm back.