Because Clearly, That's Insane

The last day of the Auto Show press days. And we have come up with a plan for next year.

The floor is pretty clear and there aren't a lot of people around . . . because the "real" press has moved on, to cover other things. Like the Michigan primary. So I decide to look at cars in the random way I look at cars. Because I like them . . . or someone I know likes them.

I bang my head on a Wrangler, trying to get into the back seat. Now I'm never going to sit in the backseat of my pretty, pretty princess Wrangler. But I decide to see IF I can. And you can. But don't try to do it by climbing up like a monkey. Because you will clock yourself and have to walk around with a big goose egg on your forehead. And you will have to tell everyone your head hurts . . . repeatedly. And your brother will roll his eyes, because he told you not to climb in like that.

And I looked at a Honda Element. Which was hard. Because it is hidden.

The Honda people . . . they evidently want to forget that they ever made the Element. So they put it in the back, behind a wall, next to the curtain with all of the supplies and brochures and such. You have to LOOK for it. I don't know if they are embarrassed . . . or that they just want to forget that they made a car thing that was supposed to appeal to young people, but only really appeals to 40 something women. And I don't want an Element. I think they are fugly. But spider monkey thinks he can fit his bike into an Element. So I decided to go check.

After locating the Element, D and I decide to try and fold things to see if a bike could really fit. And this particular Element had an overwhelming new car smell. Not a pleasant, leathery, new car yummy smell. An overwhelming I'M A NEW CAR stuck in the back and never been opened smell. So we sit in the front seat and then move to the back and start messing with things. The seats in the back should flip up but instead they flip to the side and we can't get them to latch and . . . well, then . . . a piece comes off in D's hand. And I don't think it was meant to come off. So then we have to figure out how to put the Element back together. I think that is when security started to notice us.

So then we move on to the Scions. Because they kinda look like an Element, in a boxy sort of way . . . but they are cooler. At least the Scion booth is cooler and they have good hats that they are giving away for free. So we take the Scion apart and there are strange storage places all over the inside of the car. Spaces for what I assume would be Ramen noodles (because that would be all that would fit) over the spare tire. Random holes in the trunk. A shelf underneath the back seat . . . maybe for your porn magazines? So D and I have a long discussion about what the designers were thinking when they came up with these spaces. And my answer always is . . . it's a place for your Star Wars figures. Because that is really the only thing that one could put there.

And then we notice the random storage in other cars . . . the Toyota L7 (is that what it is called?), which has a cup holder in the back door not quite big enough for a two liter, but way too big for anything else, so everything will just spill. And an interior that is made from the same material as a toy Tonka truck. Yuck. (by the time we got to the Toyota, three security guys were standing around watching the nonsense . . . they didn't stop us, but my picture is somewhere, I'm sure)

The deep storage in the Avenger. So deep that you would loose anything to the depths if you put it there. The storage in the Land Rover . . . that is so hidden that it must be for smuggling.

So next year, as a performance art piece, I'm going to bring a bag of stuff and test the storage in cars. LOOK! This space is perfect for 14 marbles . . . and nothing else. LOOK! You can easily hide four packages of Ramen noodles next to your spare tire. LOOK! You can lose four stormtroopers forever in here.

Yeah, yeah . . . I know . . . it's for your cell phone. At least, that is what everyone told us. Or your wallet. So say the Smart car people. But I don't need to store my cell phone next to my spare tire. Ever. So stay tuned.

And yes, we did get the Element back together. Sorta.