Sugar Free Jello

I didn't buy tickets beforehand. Why? Didn't seem like the spoken word fest from the former lead singer of the Dead Kennedys would be sold out. Few people my age know who Jello Biafra is . . . and if you ask the young-uns, the people who go out and listen to things . . . well, you hear crickets.

"Oh, Dead Kennedys? Yeah, my dad listened to them." was the response from one of my students. Only one.

Quite frankly, the line was offputting. But they hadn't let anyone in. With or without tickets. Talked to a cosmetology student in line. Bought my ticket for twelve dollars. A dollar cheaper than they charged before the show. Sometimes it pays to be unorganized. A former student of mine was in line about four people behind me. It was nice to see him. Admonished him about not staying in school.

They did have t-shirts. One said "Vote Republican" with a large Nazi flag between the vote and the Republican. Shit. Digging through the memory banks. I thought Jello hated everyone. Now it's just Republicans? I bought a Guinness and waited to be outed. Sat in the back row. Corner seat. Visions of pitchforks.

Took a chance and spoke to someone I recognized from high school. Exchanged pleasantries. "Oh, yeah. I remember you." which was not remarkable, as we were in the same clique. "You were in a band once." I said to him. "Yeah, I'm with Cheilos tonight." he said. I don't remember anyone named Cheilos . . . of the friends that I remember that he had anyhow. "No. I'm with Jello." he corrected. How's that for name dropping? He walked away without any further clarification. Leaving me to wonder, was he with with Jello? Or was his band on the Alternative Tentacles label? Once I was informed, he seemed to think I was suitably impressed?

Waved at the people I knew were coming and then Jello was on stage, so talking seemed rude. All the photos of Jello, on his website, on the Majestic website, in the Free Press, seem to be from 1989. Jello now looks like Mr. Crabbypants. At least the guy on stage who said he was Jello does. And the ranting began.

Now I will say that the last time I saw Jello Biafra speak, I was much more to the left politically. And I will say, as pointed out frequently by my social studies friends, that my supposed "right" leanings now are more oppositional defiance than actual ideology. I work with a bunch of bleeding heart liberals. At least, they are the most vocal. And I did agree with some of the things Jello said. And didn't agree to others. And I listened attentively and clapped politely to the things I agreed with. Laughed at the things that I found funny, that were meant to be funny. And he dogged the Democratic party too . . . just not as much. And for the most part Jello made sense. For three hours.

At three hours, he said he was going to take a break. Which meant he was planning to come back. And I, quite frankly, couldn't do another three hours. So I left. Feeling slightly guilty. And old. But I was tired . . . and there is only so much Jello one can take in one sitting. Plus, with all the conspiracy theories thrown about, I'm sure the Republicans had inserted something into the back of my neck that was making me glow green. Or, more likely, my F.B.I. file was being added to just by being there. So I went home.

His speech did make me think. I should go check out the libertarians. See what they are up to. Or if they have an office. Or a secret handshake. And I am very much in favor of free speech. And most people aren't.

Never did figure out what "with Jello" meant. And from now on . . . there will only be pictures of me from 1992.