Lyrics

I dreamt last night of sirens
By flashlight I had found you
You just held my hand
By the bright lights in some ICU
Even the planless have a plan

I can't write love songs when I'm on these things
I'm affable, responsible, but hard to be around
It's correctable and they're right you know
It's as easy as it sounds
It's all as easy as it sounds

I dreamt last night I saw you
A single spark explosion negotiating with the dead
By the bright lights in some ICU
On my chest you put your head
And said...
There you are
There you are
There's my heart

-- Matthew Good "A Single Explosion"

So while I was walking tonight, I thought about the nature of this "journey" that I'm on . . . and by the way, I hate the word "journey" but can't think of a better term. Sounds all new agey and shit. Anyhow, when you put yourself out there . . . to find new friends, lovers, people, connections, what have you . . . with that comes loss. Rejection. And for some reason, I can handle the rejection (ignorant f**ks, don't see me for what I am . . . ) but I'm not good with the loss.

I'll miss people for no good reason. One little thing that clicked. One thing that I really liked about them. The ability to bring me back to center, whether he knew it or not, was the case I was thinking of specifically. And yes, I managed to start school and crash my car without being hip checked mentally (at least by this person). But funny how people can balance you out. And the vacuum they leave.

And it's only a vacuum when you have nothing to do but think. And it's such a little thing. But how many little vacuums have I left in my wake?

Whatever. Too much thinking. Oh yeah, and the line that resonates? "I'm affable, responsible, but hard to be around."

"No think, only do." -- Yoda