They're new!

I changed my oil this weekend. Actually, to be more specific, my father changed my oil while I handed him things. After changing the oil on two vehicles, which is a surreal experience in itself, my father asked (yelled at) my mother about his "other" jeans "that he put in the wash two weeks ago". My mother replied (yelled back) that she had not "done jeans yet". Then there was much discussion (yelling) about "how the jeans were not done".

In the midst of this discussion (yelling), I went in and put the only jeans that I could find in the laundry room in the washer . . . which was filled with some other clothes (colors). My mother had already added detergent (Tide, always Tide) so I figured it was really to go. The jeans actually rounded out the load quite nicely. I walked outside and informed my parents, who were still discussing (yelling) but had branched out slightly to the "what exactly DO you do around here" discussion (argument), that Dad's jeans would be ready in about an hour . . . if he put them in the dryer.

This stopped them from their popular general discussion (argument) and the focus then came to me. How could I touch my mother's washer? How could I touch my father's jeans? What right did I have mixing jeans and colored clothes? (jeans are a color!) Was I trying to be a bad person? Was I trying to turn my father's jeans pink? It ended with me running in, stopping the washer, and pulling out the wet, unharmed jeans. Bad Emily . . . stop being helpful.

The discussion (yelling) resumes, but it is pointed out that my father has three pairs of brand new, with the tags still on them, jeans sitting on a shelf in his closet. Three pairs. Never been worn. I suggest that he could possibly wear one of those pairs while he waits for the other jeans to get washed. Since there are now TWO dirty pairs, they may make the washer because according to my mother, you can only wash jeans with OTHER jeans. Plus, with three pairs of jeans in circulation . . . the whole process may in fact be speeded up. Alas, the jeans in his closet are the kind of jeans that "they don't make anymore" so you have to save them, plus they would need to be washed before you can wear them. This entire discussion (argument) was precipitated by the fact that my father is STOCKPILING JEANS, for some weird blue jean-less apocalypse. He can't wear them . . . they're new.

The day ended with my going to Costco and finding my father some more jeans. They weren't the "right" jeans. He was quite upset by the thought that they were from the outlet mall, since they were Nautica jeans. "Did you go to the outlet mall AGAIN?" They have not been tried on yet . . . a new brand you have to think about for a while. But they can be added to the stockpile up in his closet. I don't know if then a pair of jeans is released into the circulation (thus keeping the reserve static at three) or if we are just hoarding.

Hopefully, the laundry situation may be helped by having more jeans in the house and thus shortening the two week washing turn around . . . Keep in mind that sometimes, if I have to, in the privacy of my own home, I might not fill the washer. I might do a half a load, if I really need something. Or, gasp, I just put my jeans in with my other colors.

So I got my father some new jeans . . . which he cannot wear . . . because they are new.