Eye Candy

So went to see the 'rents today at Stately Wayne Manor. Mom was home because there are "home enhancement" products being put on the house (she made me say that) which was cool. I cat-wrangled for a large part of the afternoon, Mr. Cat being locked in the basement due to the "home enhancement" people walking in and out.

"Catman" does not like the idea of confinement of any sort, so he yowls, cries, hisses, snarls and sticks his little paws underneath the door as if you have just forgotten him or maybe you accidentally closed the door without realizing that he was down in the basement. Short memory, Mr. Cat, since Mom had to physically take him to the basement. So to stop what sounded like kitty torture, I let him out and then followed him around the house making sure that he didn't jump out on the roof or run out an open door (where would he go? the woods? he knows there are raccoons. . . big mean biker-like raccoons, that could kick his ass . . . so he just stays on the porch). Luckily, Mr. Cat's "duvet time" coincided with my "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" time, so we snuggled up on our individual duvets (my parents have separate duvets . . . told you it was "Stately Wayne Manor") and watched the slayer.

The "home enhancement" salesman was there, because they jacked up a bunch of stuff. Now the Mr. Salesguy is cute . . . I mean eye candy cute. So eye candy. Big blue eyes, great smile . . . ultra nice because he is Mr. Salesguy. He starts with "oh, you have spring break this week" which was a good entry, meant he remembered me and vaguely remembered that I did something that would have a spring break . . . like a teacher of sorts. My mom takes him away to point out the problems. Ten minutes later, mom and I are sitting at the kitchen table and Mr. Salesguy/Eye Candy walks in and starts talking about his neck. Now I had noticed his neck was red, but now he's rubbing it and telling us all about how he just had laser hair removal. "Oh", is all I could muster, thinking that it was too much information. He then proceeds to go on about the hair removal . . . how he gets it for free cause his best friend does it for a living, I mean he owns the place and they tested out the equipment on me and this lady kept changing the dial and asking how much it hurt and sometimes you could actually hear a sizzle and they said I could shave today but I don't know . . . Way, way, way, too much information. You cannot maintain eye candy status if you share about the sizzle during your laser hair removal. Cannot happen.

My mother insisted at dinner that Mr. Salesguy had no idea that he was (now formerly) eye candy. I thought that he did know because that would be why he is Mr. Salesguy. Anyway, he totally jacked up the order on my parents stuff, which is really annoying my mother and he is no longer eye candy . . . but he does have a totally red neck. Mental note: free hair removal, bad. sharing about any hair removal in general, really bad. Not realizing that you are eye candy and not real bright (thus screwing up the order), really bad too . . . cause you don't want to deal with my mother annoyed.

Having to call everything "home enhancements" because your mother thinks someone will read this and tell the eye candy . . . priceless.