Dildo Factory

So let's start with the "and in the second episode there's this dildo factory" story.

M2 has a student teacher.

One would think that as a regular employed teacher, you would be overjoyed with a student teacher. Hey! Someone is going to come in and do all my work for me? And I still get paid? Sign me up! But M2 . . . I love her . . . well, there's really two factors at play. First, M2 has the WORST luck in student teachers. It's like the fates want her to weed them out or something. And this time, she even tried to compensate by asking to interview the person first . . . and the person just showed up anyway. And she is this meek, mousey thing who does not talk and looks terrified most of the time. Like that mouse that the kids always trap in the yearbook room (We have sort of a vermin problem. I prefer to think of him as a pet) who just wakes and then expels everything from his bowels and then dies of heart failure to avoid whatever this circle of teenagers is going to do to him.

So the second factor is that M2 is a really good teacher . . . with a strong personality . . . and . . . again, with the "I really, really love her" . . . she is a bit of a control freak. We all are. Well, anyone that lasts in this profession. So it's really hard for her to give up her classroom to someone who may lose all the control that she has gain. To let things dissolve into anarchy to prove to this person that she probably shouldn't be a high school teacher. Or should be . . . I don't know.

So M2 and the ST share a table at parent teacher conferences . . . and M2 and I plan to go out to dinner . . .

(Side story: The teachers like to go out in big groups for dinner. Which makes me anxious. For the restaurant who suddenly will have a table of 25, all of whom want separate checks. For myself, because I like to be on time and we don't have a lot of time and the waitress is taking 45 minutes to print up all of the checks. And frankly, for the general public, because teachers are really obnoxious when they get in groups. So I don't go with the "kids" for dinner. And it's a big problem. But M2 is kind enough to join me and go to a restaurant far away from the large groups. So yes, I socially isolate myself. So I won't be anxious. And for the record, I check and no, you weren't on time for the second session. No one cared. But I do.)

and there is the ST at the table, so we have to take her along.

She says maybe three words during dinner and doesn't have enough cash, which is cool because I don't have any cash either and I make way more money than she does, as she makes nothing. And on the way back, I kinda forget that she is in the backseat . . . because she is silent . . . and M2 is telling the story about how she had to take this compatiblity test to get married in the Catholic Church and some of the more tricky "yes" "no" questions . . . like "pregnancy is a big part of our relationship" (well, it isn't NOW but is it supposed to be later? According to the Catholics?) and so then I start talking about my new favorite show, Lucy, Daughter of the Devil and I had just watched the second episode, where Satan buys a dildo factory and Lucy wants to become a dildo designer but that grosses her father out.

"Did you have to bring up dildo factories in front of my student teacher? Are you trying to convince her that teachers are crazy?" Mary says after we get out of the car and the ST is out of earshot. Oops. I was just taking about television. It was on cable. So now the mouse is probably going to have to go to therapy. Or at least bring it up in those student teacher sessions when they talk about how all the old teachers are too old and their brains have been turned to mush by close contact with teenagers. I remember that discussion. It always ends with a group feeling that "we are going to be different".

Oh and the "holding dirty hands" is from this episode. Hilarious. About 1 minute, 52 seconds in . . .
"Look at all the people holding hands . . . holding hands around the world . . .
it's making me want to go wash my hands . . . dirty hands around the world . . . yeah . . ."