Limbic Storm

I'm beginning to believe that I'm just wired funny.

The "fight or flight" response has been on all day and I can't figure out why. Maybe it's the snowboarding? Or reading "graysontrays" description of how to snowboard, which made my head hurt in the detail, but I just kept reading?

Had a lovely coffee, rice krispie treat, newspaper reading thing going but was all bouncy. Went to work out, still bouncy. Went and had some french toast . . . yummm, french toast . . . now feeling all nervous stomach. Hope I don't throw up.

Didn't help that I saw a Colorado LS with an apple sticker and so freaked out about running into RB while craving bacon, after a workout. Ahhhh. I was shaking until I talked myself down. RB doesn't eat coney island. Bacon has preservatives. And there have to be tons of apple geeks that drive small GM POS trucks. Plus, there was an errant bungee cord . . . and nothing in RB's life would be errant . . . well, in the physical world anyhow.

I made sure not to give the truck a closer inspection and drove away wondering why that made me keyed up. I have run into him before and didn't turn to dust. I still talk to his roommate. (Princess may insert two beer joke here) And I have lived for thirty-five years without running into him before, despite being at the same concerts, living in the same general town and having some of the same interests. Plus I found someone I had the same gut feeling about, who had a job this time (and okay, he was kidnapped by pirates . . . but the point being there are others that I could be fond of, for, whatever). . . and have had a major crush on someone else. Have gotten my head around the fact that there are so many other fish in the tank. So it should be fine to run into him. But at a purely emotional level, it so isn't okay. And my limbic system is overcharged.

And not that any of you would understand this (the boys who read this especially . . . after they get over me calling them "boys") . . . but yeah, sometimes my emotional system just goes into overdrive and there is nothing I can do about it, there is no reasoning with it. And I can think rationally all I want, but my body is still on "fight or flight" all the time. It's exhausting. And talking yourself down, every hour or so, gets tedious. "No really, it's okay that the sink isn't draining as fast as you'd like . . . no, probably shouldn't take it apart RIGHT NOW because then we would have to put it back together . . . and it's okay that you don't have a slip that fits for that outfit . . . and no, you do not have to go buy one RIGHT NOW . . . " My limbic system is on RIGHT NOW mode.

There was this completely appropriate line on This American Life, this afternoon: "So you assumed that everyone thinks just like you, which is how most disasters happen" or something to that effect. But I'm beginning to think that most people don't think like me.