Quote

Quote you are my soul unquote
Now does that sound familiar?
You kissed the girl and make her feel this way

Quote well this is me unquote
And You have been so ugly you're entire life
So why change now

Is this how you wanna go down,
right before my eyes
You're the saddest sight i know

You're quiet
you never make a sound
But here inside my mind
you are the loudest one I know

Quote Well is me unquote
How different I've become
And no one understands, my dear,
no one really cares

And you were right,
right from the start
It took everything you had,
but you finally broke my...

And know the old flames will pass away
I saw your life once
Did you see mine
But not all things will pass away

You turned your light off
So I turned mine,
away from your sadness,
away from the nothingness
you feel for me

Quote, hey listen cause ill only say this once
I finally found the words
That mean enough to me
Good bye my soul, unquote

--- Quote, Evan's Blue

It's always hard for me to accept. That I will never talk to a person again. I will call "friends" out of the blue, just to reinforce my belief that we had a connection . . . had a connection for a reason even. I'm sure the guy I used to work with eight years ago just rolls his eyes when I call. But I'm not good at Christmas cards. And so I call.

Or worse yet, we'll run into each other and do the "we should really get together" thing, when neither of us wants to do that. But I will.

So really what I'm struggling with, today while mowing my lawn and sucking up cobwebs with a shop vac? Rat Bastard contacted me. Unsolicited. And in a moment of growth on my part, I told him that I didn't want to be the girl that he crawls to whenever he is feeling bad about himself. That I didn't want to talk to him.

Oh, and don't get me wrong . . . I back peddled immediately as he was collecting his argument for treating me like shit. But I got it out there (I so don't like conflict). And now, he won't contact me again. Whipped him good with a couple of sentences. Perhaps why I back peddle so often. My words can be terribly cutting. Miserably so.

And therefore, it should be finally over. But like the song says . . . even though he is quiet, it is the loudest thing in my head. I don't want him back. But currently, I don't know what I want. And back then . . . I was so sure. To the point of breaking my heart.

So have to go find something to do and stop thinking so damn much.