Mackin' at the Grocery Store

M2 pointed out today that I am never going to meet anyone at a bar . . . or at least that the chances are very unlikely. So where is this Candyland of available men? Or better yet, where is the asshole factory so I can find someone that is not intimidated by me . . . at least I hope that's the problem currently.

So the grocery store at 10:30 p.m. on a Monday:
Meijer's actually had cute-ish men who were walking around ALONE in the aisles. A good sign. Then it happens . . . next to the eggs (don't ask . . . I bought some eggs, okay? I know I don't eat them . . . ) is Starbucks guy. Remember Starbucks guy? Used to make my coffee every Tuesday when I would go to Royal Oak? Would smile sweetly and tell me to have a nice day and sometimes even gave me a coupon? Hot Starbucks guy . . . yeah, he's buying eggs. And then he is buying frozen vegetables when I am buying green beans. Finally, he's in line behind me. (he even drove next to me on Woodward . . . he has very nice wheels on his Honda)

We didn't talk. (You thought I walked up to him and said "Hi, Hot Starbucks guy!" didn't you?) But in the spell of being so near, I noticed a few things about scoping at the grocery store:

1. Feminine hygiene products are a no-no . . . just stay away from the HBA section altogether. Unless it's just soap. Let's just say I had some wipes rung up and it kinda ruined the mood for me.

2. Frozen dinners shouldn't be in your cart. This was unfortunate because all I cook is Lean Cuisine. Now for the right caveman, I might learn some more about cooking but cooking for one is . . . well . . . cooking for one.

3. Beer or alcohol are okay, as long as it's not in massive amounts or cheap. No Milwalkee's Beast, even if that is the kind you really like.

4. Basically just walk around with three oranges and some bottled water in your cart. Same goes for the checkout.

Now I did notice that Starbucks guy chose to glance through the same gossip magazine that my sister, guiltily and without admitting to anyone, reads. This puts him under suspicion. In his cart? From what I saw . . . four dozen eggs and a pound of coffee. That's it. There might have been a bag of frozen peas.

So no, it wasn't successful mackin' at the grocery store. But now, I'm really aware of what I put in my cart. Good Night Hot Starbucks guy who might be gay and who definitely eats too many eggs . . . I'll be in on Friday for my grande soy latte, just to see if you still work there.