Every Inch

So I'm at this compound . . . and we park the mega-mobile near the door. Every inch of the front porch is covered with signage. All signs are wood. Hand carved. Router crazy craftsmanship. With shiny varnish. Lots of shiny varnish. It was word overload. "Welcome" "No Smoking" "Smoke Free Building" "Fabulous Brunch" And then there were little signs between the big signs. Woodburned. Too much to read.

The front desk is empty, but there are little angel statues with flowers and an open Bible. Not a good sign. There are inspirational quotes on the walls. Also not a good sign. Handwritten sign: "Sorry, having banana splits. Be back soon." I'm going to sleep in the mega-mobile.

"Marv" comes from the dining room. He had waved to us as we had come in but just sat at the table, next to "Janette" I later found out. Didn't get up right away, had to finish his ice cream. I thought he was a guest at "The Shack". Marv looks like he is a reanimated corpse. With perma-smile. Finds our reservation. In slow motion. "You have a hot tub room but you can't use the hot tub. Costs extra. It was the only room with two beds." Princess starts riffin' on the hot tub, trying to warm Marv up. It doesn't work. He is very serious about the non-use of the hot tub . . . a hot tub that Princess and I would never use in the first place. And when he says hot tub, I'm picturing a whirlpool tub, like in my parent's bathroom. We finally get the keys, after swearing that we will never even think about using the hot tub. I stare at the truck hat display. They all say "The Shack" on them. I find Shack postcards. They have Bible sayings on them. I buy all five of the series.