Have to

It's 11 a.m. on a Sunday and I seriously would like to go back to bed. But there are a bunch of have tos that I have to attend to . . .

I have to go grocery shopping . . . because I only have stale saltines and peanut butter to eat. Stale saltines are not good, even with peanut butter.

I have to go eat something . . . because I didn't eat last night because my head hurt so badly and now I'm ravenous . . . but not for stale saltines. And I don't want to buy all of Meijers, which I will if I go in my current condition.

I have to shower first . . . even though I took three showers yesterday, the last one to get all the smells off of me. Didn't work, because I wash my clothes and sheets, and therefore they smell like Tide. A good smell, unless you are suffering from a migrane . . . and then it's not so good. I stood in the shower with hot water pouring over my head for a good long time, with the smell of the soap (Magnolia from Bath and Body Works) making me want to toss my cookies. Amazing how many things smell, that you don't notice, or that you like . . . unless you have a headache that causes you to be ultra-sensitive to smells. So I'm very very clean but I have bed head because I went to bed with wet hair. Shower again.

I have to mow my lawn . . . which is not going to get done today.

I have to put my truck back together. At least it's clean. Hazard from driving all my bosses in it.

I have to clean some part of my house. All this week, I've been walking in, throwing whatever crap I have in my hands on the table, floor, chairs, etc . . . and then throwing all my clothes on the floor and crawling into bed. I looked around at the chaos today and felt, well . . . anxious. Must start by picking up ten things . . . otherwise it's totally overwhelming and I have to sit down or nap.

I have to grade some papers . . . running theme. I hate being an English teacher. Art teachers don't have to grade papers . . . at least not as many papers.

I keep waiting for my headache to come back. Searching for the beginning of the pain, that funny feeling in my brain, that I usually ignore. Yesterday's headache was a doozie . . . they are not often that bad. Usually, I can still function. And last night I did, until I didn't have to function and then it was really, really bad.

I'm going to eat awful food. I'm sorry but I deserve it.