Rabid Consumerism

My sister and I found out that the outlet mall opened at midnight. Having little to do after eating, other than waiting for our parents to get home from Miami so they could tell the "prodigal son" stories, Mere and I decide to tool out there.

The outlet mall is relatively near my parents' house . . . in the way that everything is "relatively" near my parents' house. The nearest grocery store is fifteen minutes away from Stately Wayne Manor, so the outlet mall being 35 minutes away is "near".

Two miles before exit 133, the traffic stops. That was not a good sign. The line at the Gap spiraled the store three times. My sister bought shirts for $3. I decided that I could just pay full price and NOT stand in line. Evidently, I've gotten to that point in my life. Everything at the Banana Republic was 40% . . . but again, the line spiraled the store. So for me, it was just an interesting sociological study of the Midwestern American Populace. They like to stand in line. And smoke.

We got to Stately Wayne around 3 a.m. and I figured I would just stay up and buy a television. Mr. Crabbypants was tired from traveling so did not want to go with me for the electronic store tour. Again, just people watched . . . didn't buy anything . . . well, until I went to the mall. Went to the super secret Wixom Target, because I thought no one would go there, and the line was all the way from the door to Wixom Road. Didn't really want or need anything at Target, but it was on the way to the mall. People were rioting in the toy section, though I'm not sure why. And there was this guy . . . in the middle of the chaos . . . just carrying a large tub of Oxiclean. Like he got up at 6 a.m. to go to the Target, special, to get some Oxiclean? It wasn't even on sale. And you had to dodge carts driven my suburban mommies who were foaming at the mouth.

Please keep in mind that I am not in want or need of anything. I went to the mall to kill time . . . sis and the rents wouldn't be up until 9 a.m. or so (turns out Crabbypants was up at 6 a.m., but he hasn't been doing that lately) H&M had everything in the store at 25% off . . . so bought the sweater that I was eyeing, plus some underwear and a dress. Grand total, less than $50. Touched the ipods. Had the Fossil people take a link out of my watchband. Wandered around Macy's. The mall was not frenzied. Had my MP3 player on by that time, so pleasant music drowning out the Christmas music. All good.

It occurred to me that I should do some Christmas shopping. Wasn't that what all these crazed people were doing? But I usually make gifts. Or we all go in on one "big" present. Or I wait until Dec. 24 and do all my shopping then. Better to stick with the $5 underwear and the sweater with a bow (yes, it's black . . . does H&M make stuff in colors?)

Funny that people can get so excited about inanimate objects . . . or just the fact that they are getting 6 dollars off . . .

Oh, and I was only bruised three times. One full body slam and two elbows.