Eharmony Demons

Eharmony conspiracy demons have been working overtime . . . and have gotten smarter. Damn them. I got the marketing email promising three months for the price of one . . . three whole months of multiple choice -- Whee! But I passed on this "opportunity".

I then got a flurry of matches . . . which is so, so very sad since they don't know that I don't subscribe to eharmony and therefore if they pick me, and my 29 compatible characteristics, their questions just go into the air . . . into the void of the internet.

THEN I got a bunch of "requests for communication" . . . something that didn't really happen when I subscribed. I'm not saying that they are false requests. That would just be way too eharmony demon conspiracy theory. I'm just wondering why this is happening after I got my "opportunity" email. You can't answer these requests -- five multiple choice questions -- unless you subscribe for $49.95.

Now I admit I was trying to work the system. When I was a paying customer, I would often be crestfallen when I got up the nerve to send questions and then never got any response. Turns out that they still send out your profile after your gone . . . so new people who sign up will get lots of matches. That just doesn't seem fair . . . matching up people who are seriously looking with people not using your service . . . so I worked the system a little. I figured out that you can only have ten matches if you are not a subscriber . . . so once a month you close all your matches. Eharmony then matches you with ten more people, the demons perhaps thinking that you will give in if you get new shiny matches. Or maybe they just want to keep the others by giving them me as a shiny new match.

I was totally upfront in my profile, stating "I do not pay eharmony anymore" and then including an email address for people who were still "interested". With this stated in my profile, I wondered why I was getting so many "requests for communication" . . . so I checked my profile. Turns out the eharmony demons had erased that part of my profile. They left the rest and continue to send it out to people. So eharmony demons, JUST DELETE MY FILE. I beseech you. Stop sending it out to men who think I'm also a paying customer. And stop sending me email.

By the way, I put my email back on eharmony . . . probably violating several things I agreed to in signing up for the thing in the first place. So there demons . . . naah!