Only in my neighborhood

There was too much social interaction while I was mowing my lawn today. I hate mowing my lawn. I bribe myself to do it usually and have the headphones on so I will fall into a mowing trance where I mow pictures in the lawn for the planes and aliens overhead.

Interruption one: Large group of boys in a truck speeding down the street, who screamed something at me, making me jump. I gave them the one finger universal greeting and then felt awful because my ninety year old neighbors were outside and I want them to think of me as wholesome and good.

Interruption two: Some blonde willowy girl stops my diagonal mowing to ask for a phonebook. I don't own a phonebook (that's what the internet is for). She is lost . . . looking for her friend's street, where she is staying, but doesn't know what street it is. Does not know her friend's address (not even city) and does not know her phone number. At this point, I'm wondering if she is a decoy and if someone is rifling through my house or something. I mean, she doesn't even know what CITY she is staying in? She remembers a restaurant . . . "the gay one with sandwiches" which is "near" her friend's house. I point her in that direction and tell her what street the restaurant is on. Good luck blonde girl. Next time bring your cell phone to go running in a strange neighborhood.

Interruption three: It is now getting dark when my neighbor calls me over. I'm hoping she won't mention the previous one finger salute. "I just wanted to tell you that we called Detroit Edison." Yeah . . . and . . . Sweetest lady in the world but spent 30 minutes on the tree branches around the electrical wires and how if I call it will cost me money but if she calls is won't and then there was another ten minutes on the "I think that weed is deadly nightshade but I'm not sure because the flowers are purple but otherwise it looks like deadly nightshade and I get it in my yard too . . . "

It's dark. The lawn is mowed. I have deadly nightshade. Not just nightshade, but deadly nightshade. So don't mess with me.