Part of this is being pissed at myself for being such an jerk in my twenties, for not having the self-esteem to date "nice" guys. Wasting so much time. Not figuring out how cool I was until now.
Part of this is grieving for a friendship that is now a vacuum.
Part of this is that I thought someone thought I was special . . . and I wasn't wrong. But now I have to jump back into the pool. And I'm cold and tired. I'm thirty-five. And let's face it, there aren't that many people in the pool anymore.
Rest assured, I'll jump back in. I'm tired of being alone. But I have to hurt. Sorry. Have to. I'm giving myself a week.
When you find someone who respects you, makes you feel special, thinks you're cool, looks at you with a smile that makes you feel like you are someone . . . hell, I don't care if it was all pretend. It was worth every minute. And as much as I hate to say it, every minute of the pain.
I learned a lot about what I want. Thank you.
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3 comments:
Glad to hear this last post... don't forget to check your gmail from time to time.
;)
...and DON'T want. Valuable too!
Yes, and don't want . . . but I'm trying to focus on the positive, so we'll stick with what I want. Only up to two pages, but I just started.
And I promise to check my gmail from time to time. Thank you, it meant alot.
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