More Diamonds

Mr. Crabbypants went to work today. There are different stories about whether he had permission from the doctor to go to work today . . . Mom says the doc said "no". . . Mr. CP insists that he said it was okay. We bought him a couple of ottomans at good sale Target, it being the end of all dorm room shopping. He has ice bags. He is equipped.

So I get this voicemail from my mother. Something about needing much bigger diamonds for Christmas . . . or her birthday . . .

Now I picked out the diamonds from last Christmas (the ones that are not big enough) . . . so Mr. CP, he had to have done something big. I know he arrived at work because he checked my blog. Maybe he got stuck there? And mom had to come from Lansing to pick him up? Did he fall over at the office?

Call Stately Wayne Manor. Get Mr. CP on the phone. My father managed to get into his Super Jeep (the SRT Hemi Monster Mobile) and was driving down the road when a deer hit him. He didn't hit the deer . . . the deer hit him. An eight-point buck slammed into the side of the Super Jeep. Evidently, it knocked all the shit out of him too. Five thousand in damage. Super Jeep dented and covered in shit. Mother was driving behind and almost had a heart attack. "How many omens does your father need to get that he shouldn't go to work?"

"So did you get the head?" My father had no interest in the dented deer. Drove off to work. Is duct taping the Super Jeep as we speak. My mother is aggravated. She does probably deserve bigger diamonds. The deer is being eaten at the State Police post by now. Or maybe the pirates took it. Oh, and the Super Jeep has been washed. Just glad it wasn't on my shift.