Stay off the Grid

It seems like I spent an enormous amount of time in my childhood watching science documentaries about stuff scientists did to monkeys. Maybe it's because cable hadn't been invented yet and my mom figured it was safe to watch PBS. Maybe I watched them in the science portion of elementary school. I don't know. Just hours and hours of film reel in my head about the behaviorial science guys and what they did to poor monkeys . . . usually an experiment that you could answer the hypothesis with: "Well . . . duh . . ."

Guy in White Coat: What happens if we keep all the love from the monkey? (by totally isolating the monkey)
Hmmm. . . monkey doesn't relate well to other monkeys . . .
Another Guy in White Coat: What happens if we give a surrogate wire sculpture "mother" to the monkey, after we rip him away from his natural mother?
Hmmm. . . monkey really doesn't relate well to other monkeys . . .

I just remember this one experiment with a baby monkey and two "surrogate" sculpture mommies, both with reflectors for eyes (as if the baby monkey was fooled). The scientists were seemingly fascinated by the fact that the baby monkey clung to the carpet mommy monkey instead of the wire mommy monkey. Ummm. . . duh, I thought. I think I was, like, four at the time . . . maybe six.

Anyhow, I'm currently acting like the monkey pressing the food bar, so he won't get electrocuted, except I'm using matchdotcom as a food lever. I figure I should get everything out of it I can for the last days? Don't know. Can't resist checking it though. Keep pushing it to see when the yummy snack bar is going to come out. (or better yet, cocaine . . . they did one with cocaine. The monkey pressed the bar alot for cocaine . . . again, duh.) And as we have gone over, the "snack bar" is never going to come out. Perhaps I'm just doing it to keep them from electricifing the floor.

So maybe I should go outside and socialize with the other real monkeys? Okay, I'm going to go out and see the other monkeys.